she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
