My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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