hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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