I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
