Soap is not a condiment
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
