He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
