you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
