I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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