hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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