Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
