My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
