Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
