Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
