dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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