I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
