you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
