I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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