Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
