And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
