My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
