his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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