That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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