saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
