she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
