It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
