dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
