I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
