eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
