Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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