woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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