carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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