Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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