James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Come on in and take your pants off
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