idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
