a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
