There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
