I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just pynch a tree in the face
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
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