I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
