she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
