dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
