Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
