That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
