you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
