You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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