I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
