is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
