U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
