Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
