this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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