I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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