He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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