I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
