I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
